I haven't written anything for this blog in quite some time. I think its because I find myself bored. Thus, not inspired to write. Being in your home country, state, and city seems to lack a certain adventurousness. There doesn't seem to be that exciting, anticipatory state of being in the unknown. Instead, it just seems like the same ol' things happening over and over again. So for myself, the challenge has become to enjoy and anticipate the same ol' things that are happening in my life. Really, I'm just kind of lost not being in a jungle. That's the bare truth of it. Its not that I don't enjoy being with my family and in my home, its just that I'm discovering that maybe I'm meant to be somewhere else, however difficult that is to admit. Its a very scary thing, to be standing at the edge of adult hood, and not knowing how to handle the fact that I might not always be around for my family. For some, it might be very easy to run off on some grand adventure, or feel that its a relief to leave, thinking good riddance! Having been bound to a home and to parents that may not have cherished and invested in that person, or perhaps your personality is a little more free then mine.
I have always felt a keen responsibility and love for my family, and for others as well. Got to admit that I have lived selfishly at times. Even now, I am a bit of a recluse anymore. Hiding myself off from the world, because if you put your heart into something, chances are you might lose something when you move on. We always feel more keenly the things we lose, than the things we gain. Thats the trick to life, learning how to feel and appreciate all the things we have gained over the years and to be thankful instead of wallowing in some slight or troubling time.
Back in my university days (which wasn't so long ago), I had to write a Vocational Statement for a course I was taking. I thought I'd share my statement from that, "Oh, not so long ago time!" in order to better convey what I feel called to on a daily basis.
Personal Statement of Vocation
I have always known since I was a little girl that I wanted to go. But I never really knew what that meant until recently. I remember looking at National Geographic growing up and thinking, I want to go there. I want to meet those people, I want to climb that mountain, I want to see that ocean. As I grew older and started learning about hurt, hunger, and homelessness, I began to have a heart for those in suffering and a strong urge to help. Some call this compassion, I call this going.
Going means seeing a need and assessing how to meet that need. It means setting goals, organizing, and leading others to accomplish those goals. It means never giving up when the going gets tough. It means finding the positive in everything and the good in everyone. It means helping those who aren't able to help themselves and standing up for those who can't.
These are all parts of who I am and who I am becoming. I know though that a strong part of me, my values and my sense of purpose, reside in my spirituality. My belief in God and in Jesus has challenged me to live in awareness of others and to live for something beyond just me. One of Jesus' teachings that I have carried with me is, if your neighbor lacks a shirt then you should give him the shirt off your back. This idea of helping those in need is a huge part of going.
Going also means teaching and leading. I try to encourage others and challenge them to become and achieve all that they can. Going means sometimes speaking up, not being afraid and being bold. To give advice that's unanticipated and maybe not wanted, but relevant. It means being calm and collected in extreme situations and in the unexpected. It means being respectful of others and being tolerant of differences. It also means vocation.
Going will be my vocation and my occupation. I might end up as a teacher, a social worker, a globe trekker, or a sociologist. But wherever I end up or wherever I go, I know that I will always have something to do. Something that will fuel me and give me passion. Something that will make me happy and fulfill me because wherever I go there will always be someone that can use a little encouragement, a little help, and a friend.
The real challenge now, is figuring out how to make going a reality, and where that next place is, and whether its here, there, or somewhere else altogether.